2001 s40 will not start

Can anyone help???? My 2001 s40 will not start. I don't get anything....
I get power, battery tests good, I get 12v to the starter. The starter is brand new. When I try to jump the starter the solenoid energizes, I don't hear any clicking and it does not engage the flywheel.
I have also manually rotated the engine. Nothing siezed there....
I've been told it could be the starter relay which I can not find. Would anyone know where it is located, and how I can test it?
I was also told it could be the ingition switch. Is there anyway I can test it?
Does anyone have any other ideas what it could be?

Thanks for any assistance......
John, stuck in Jersey....