Volvos explained

[Peter H.M.Brooks]

I've wondered for a long time why anybody would buy a Volvo. They're
ugly, though recent models are a little less so, and built like a brick.
They also affect the minds of fairly normal (I said fairly) who are
turned into that dangerous and stupid road beast, the Volvo driver,
something rather like a rhino, short-sighted, aggressive and only able
to move in straight lines, usually fairly slowly.

The only excuse that I've heard is that, being built like a brick
shit-house Volvo drivers can keep their sprogs uncrushed despite their
bad driving.

It turns out that I was wrong. Apparently the back seats of revolves are
the most comfortable mobile bonk locations. I'm not sure if Rolls Royces
and Winnebagos were included in the survey, and I'm surprised that jags
don't feature as their seats are quite squishy, but it is probably the
sheer width that gives them the edge - or maybe those funny barred
headrests give a good purchase. I'm not sure, the article said that they
were best, not exactly why.

What's odd is that revolves tend to be driven by middle-aged wage-slave
types who can, presumably, bonk at home. When have they had the
opportunity or inclination to find out enough to fill in the survey? If
anything, I'd have expected them to carry out adulterous limbo dancing
in the bog at the local Sainsbury's or in their shed on the allotment.

Or could it be that the sprogs, protected from crushing over all these
years in their brick on wheels are forced to rebel when teenagers
borrowing the car? It would make sense, I suppose.

 

[Andy Burns]

Peter H.M.Brooks wrote [all over the place] :

I've wondered for a long time why anybody would buy a Volvo.

I had an accident in someone else's volvo once (my fault) and would have
prolly died it it hadn't been built like the tank it was, I said at the
time that I'd buy one, I never have

They're
ugly, though recent models are a little less so,

I keep seeing the odd one or two on the road that look "ok", byut
whenever I consider buying cars, I can never work out which model I'd
though might be "ok" after all.

 

[robertharvey]

It turns out that I was wrong. Apparently the back seats of revolves are
the most comfortable mobile bonk locations.

I don't believe it. I just don't.

I've had a ride (no, Frank) in a VW camper van, and that would have
been emminently suitable. And have camped out in a bench-seated
transit that would have commended itself too.

My own amourous experiences were confined to a few preliminaries in an
MG midget, which would never in a million years have permitted a
conclusion. I owned an austin A35 van, which a friend of mine borrowed
for marital olympics and succeeded in damaging his back sufficiently to
require a hospital visit. See the shedde, some years ago, for details.

 

[Guy King]

My own amourous experiences were confined to a few preliminaries in an
MG midget, which would never in a million years have permitted a
conclusion.

Do not, under any circumstances, allow the young lady to become so
distracted that she presses on the top corners of the windscreen with
her feet. At least, not on a Fiat 127 which like its contemporaries
didn't have the screen glued in.

 

[Malc]

Do not, under any circumstances, allow the young lady to become so
distracted that she presses on the top corners of the windscreen with
her feet. At least, not on a Fiat 127 which like its contemporaries
didn't have the screen glued in.

Is there something you would like to share with us Guy?

 

[Michael Pardee]

Do you have something useful to say or are you just trolling? You really
should find some meaning in your life. When your last day comes you may look
back and say, "I wasted the gift."

 

[Peter H.M.Brooks]

Peter H.M.Brooks wrote [all over the place] :

I've wondered for a long time why anybody would buy a Volvo.

I had an accident in someone else's volvo once (my fault) and would have
prolly died it it hadn't been built like the tank it was, I said at the
time that I'd buy one, I never have

Very wise, why buy cars so that you can accidents in them?

I keep seeing the odd one or two on the road that look "ok", byut
whenever I consider buying cars, I can never work out which model I'd
though might be "ok" after all.

Saab also makes cars that look slightly less ugly these days, as do
Citroen. This is a curious thing as aesthetics has generally taken a bit
of a dive the past couple of decades.

 

[gilleebee]

Peter H.M.Brooks wrote [all over the place] :

I've wondered for a long time why anybody would buy a Volvo.

I had an accident in someone else's volvo once (my fault) and would
have prolly died it it hadn't been built like the tank it was, I
said at the time that I'd buy one, I never have

Very wise, why buy cars so that you can accidents in them?

I keep seeing the odd one or two on the road that look "ok", byut
whenever I consider buying cars, I can never work out which model
I'd though might be "ok" after all.

Saab also makes cars that look slightly less ugly these days, as do
Citroen. This is a curious thing as aesthetics has generally taken a
bit of a dive the past couple of decades.

I suspect that South Africans just had very little exposure to any new
models until recently, due to sanctions.

When I got to Australia I was amazed at the car models that had never even
made it to my radar!

 

[Austin Shackles]

Do not, under any circumstances, allow the young lady to become so
distracted that she presses on the top corners of the windscreen with
her feet. At least, not on a Fiat 127 which like its contemporaries
didn't have the screen glued in.

hehe. Do I detect the voice of experience?


Apparently, a mate of mine's mother questioned the footprints on the
headlining.

 

[Peter H.M.Brooks]

Peter H.M.Brooks wrote [all over the place] :

I've wondered for a long time why anybody would buy a Volvo.
I had an accident in someone else's volvo once (my fault) and would
have prolly died it it hadn't been built like the tank it was, I
said at the time that I'd buy one, I never have

Very wise, why buy cars so that you can accidents in them?

They're
ugly, though recent models are a little less so,
I keep seeing the odd one or two on the road that look "ok", byut
whenever I consider buying cars, I can never work out which model
I'd though might be "ok" after all.

Saab also makes cars that look slightly less ugly these days, as do
Citroen. This is a curious thing as aesthetics has generally taken a
bit of a dive the past couple of decades.

I suspect that South Africans just had very little exposure to any new
models until recently, due to sanctions.

When I got to Australia I was amazed at the car models that had never even
made it to my radar!

I don't think so - I saw less ugly models starting to develop back when
I was living in Pom.

 

[Peter H.M.Brooks]

When your last day comes you may look
back and say, "I wasted the gift."

I'm not quite sure about this, but that rather sounds like the sentiment
of a Volvo driver. That isn't, by the way, a gift that you've wasted,
it's another road user!

 

[Jabber]

Troll. Get in your Shit-vet and go to the 24 hour liquor store to buy
your cheap Chianti. Then you can laze on your Barka-lounger, mow down
on twinkies and watch Regis and whoever...

Jordan 1999 S70 Loaded!

 

[Amethyst Deceiver]

Do you have something useful to say or are you just trolling? You
really should find some meaning in your life. When your last day
comes you may look back and say, "I wasted the gift."

Who are you responding to? Please quote enough of the post you're responding
to to give readers some context.

 

[Peter H.M. Brooks]

Who are you responding to? Please quote enough of the post you're responding
to to give readers some context.

I agree - it'd be more useful if he explained that he was unhappy with
the quality of the bonk in a Volvo backseat and had a better model car
to suggest. Not that I personally am looking for a bonk-mobile, but,
for those reading this who are, that would, at least explain why they'd
regret this wasted gift on their last day on earth - I can't imagine
anybody bleak enough to spend their last day on earth worrying about
that, but there's none so queer as folks.

 

[Peter.H.M.Brooks]

I don't believe it. I just don't.

I've had a ride (no, Frank) in a VW camper van, and that would have
been emminently suitable. And have camped out in a bench-seated
transit that would have commended itself too.

My own amourous experiences were confined to a few preliminaries in an
MG midget, which would never in a million years have permitted a
conclusion. I owned an austin A35 van, which a friend of mine borrowed
for marital olympics and succeeded in damaging his back sufficiently to
require a hospital visit. See the shedde, some years ago, for details.

I'm just quoting a new story:

"
Volvo Estate Is Britain's "Sexiest" Car

October 5, 2006 7:00 p.m. EST

Komfie Manalo - All Headline News Foreign Correspondent

London, England (AHN) - Thanks to its extra space, the wide-bodied but
boring-looking Volvo Estate has been voted as the best car for having
sex in the back seat by British car owners. According to a survey, the
car has seen more action than any other.

The multi-purpose Mercedes Benz Sprinter Van came in second place.

The survey, which was conducted by yesinsurance.co.uk polled over 4,000
people and placed the VW Camper van in third, the BMW 3 Series Saloon
in fourth and the Ford Escort in fifth.

The result of the survey showed that at least 68 percent of those
polled said they have had sex in a car and one in 10 say they had did
it while driving.

Another six per cent claimed they had damaged their vehicles while
getting busy - but only one in 100 of these were bold enough to claim
on their insurance.

A spokesman for the yesinsurance.co.uk said, "It would seem that space
is the most important issue for couples who want to enjoy themselves."
"

 

[Peter H.M. Brooks]

You can't say that I'm not fair! Here's an article, from the Telegraph,
suggesting that BMW drivers are even worse. I'm not sure if this is
because potential or actual Volvo drivers have switched to BMWs, or if
it is a quite different phenomenon - maybe BMWs are now safer, uglier
and more brick-like than Volvos.

"
'The worst drivers own BMWs'

By David Millward, Transport Correspondent
(Filed: 06/10/2006)

BMW owners have been named as the worst drivers in Britain in a poll of
more than 5,000 motorists.

The survey showed that the image of the BMW driver has not changed
since they came to symbolise the brash winners of the boom-bust economy
of the 1980s.

"They seem to be unable to use signals, expecting others on the road to
have psychic powers," said Ian Vince, co-author of The Myway Code, who
organised the survey.
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"We were really surprised that BMW drivers got so many votes. We
expected Chelsea Tractors and 'White Van Man' to come in higher.

"The BMW is a smug car and perhaps there is some envy towards the
drivers from those of us in our Fiestas."

Those who drive 4x4s drew the ire of just over a third of the number
who nominated BMW drivers, while "white van" drivers came in third.

Mr Vince added: "BMWs are solidly and beautifully built cars and, as a
result, their drivers seem detached from the rest of the world.

"They seem to be insulated by all this teutonic engineering. It is like
travelling in a womb."
"

 

[Bodie]

I suspect that South Africans just had very little exposure to any new
models until recently, due to sanctions.

OH!!

So now we backward are we ??????????????

When I got to Australia I was amazed at the car models that had never even
made it to my radar!

Like aus is *such* an advanced country .. human right records just continue
to amaze, huh?


**PLONK**

 

[Steve Hayes]

I've wondered for a long time why anybody would buy a Volvo. They're
ugly, though recent models are a little less so, and built like a brick.
They also affect the minds of fairly normal (I said fairly) who are
turned into that dangerous and stupid road beast, the Volvo driver,
something rather like a rhino, short-sighted, aggressive and only able
to move in straight lines, usually fairly slowly.

It's been many years since I drove a Volvo, but when I did none of those
criteria applied. It was simply the fastest saloon car on the road, and
outperformed a lot of sports cars.

 

[Peter.H.M.Brooks]

It's been many years since I drove a Volvo, but when I did none of those
criteria applied. It was simply the fastest saloon car on the road, and
outperformed a lot of sports cars.

'outperformed' in the technical sense, presumably, Volvos have no
descernable aesthetic or emotional connection to sports cars that I can
detect.

 

[Alotta Fagina]

It was simply the fastest saloon car on the road, and
'outperformed' in the technical sense, presumably,

By what other "sense" is performance measured?